Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

My husband bought "crappy" Halloween candy so we wouldn't eat it. He bought something called, “Swedish Fish.” They are pretty bad. Unfortunately, being “pretty bad,” won’t deter me from eating the bag. They are tasteless gummy fish. I told him he should’ve bought a flat of eggs and set in the driveway.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

What's Bugging My Marriage?

We have ants. I got home today a little before my husband and saw them in the kitchen sink. I knew I was in the race of my life to get them cleaned up. I tried to spray them with Windex and clear away the evidence before “HE,” got home. Frankly, I am more grossed out by ant spray than ants. (They don’t scare me. I saw the movie.) I sprayed and cleaned and wiped everything down. I thought I was out of the woods and then I heard him walk in. A minute later I heard, “OH MY GOD! THERE ARE ANTS IN THE KITCHEN!!!!” It was the same tone I would’ve expected to hear, “OH MY GOD! THERE ARE BADGERS IN THE KITCHEN!!!!”
Crap. I knew I wouldn’t get away with it. A minute later I heard the ant spray covering every inch of the countertops, sinks, or anything else that comes in contact with our food.

I am in a mixed marriage. Or should I say a “mixed up,” marriage. Not that I am a delight to be married to -- but I am the optimist in the family. My husband is the eternal pessimist. Not only does he think the glass is half empty – he thinks there is lipstick on the rim and a bug in the bottom. The things that make him interesting also make him exhausting. This is a typical exchange: We were driving down the Del Dios Highway. I told him a story about 30 years ago when the dam was overflowing and how there was a crowd of people watching the dam overflow. A man pulled up and got out of his car and forgot to put it into gear and the car went over the cliff into the canyon below. My husband’s first question: “What kind of car was it?” Huh? This is the type of thing that makes me insane – but never bored.