Guac This Way

There is a sign on the way to Pala Casino that says,
"SLOW AVOCADOS AHEAD."
I think it's politically incorrect to make fun of avocados that way.

Howeird

I love animals. All animals. When I hear a story about 10 orphans and a dog getting hit by a train, my first thought is, “What happened to the dog?”
I have 3 cats I adore. Nelson is “The Baby.” Nelson has the weight of the world on his shoulders. He worries about everything. You can see the concerned look on his face all the time. He frets about the state of the world. He can manipulate my husband with his meows. He is a ventriloquist. He can stare at Steve and throw his plaintive cry without moving his mouth. Steve is putty in his hands. Nelson sees Daddy and starts screaming like someone stuck a skewer through him --- just because he hasn’t had a treat in over 3 hours. When my uncle Dwain comes over, Nelson knows he is a “fish,” and runs to the pantry door screaming for a Bonker. Nelson is pristine --- spending hours grooming and preening himself. He can spend 20 minutes tugging at a toenail cleaning “something,” out of there. I guess with all the tar pits in our home, he can get filthy.
Arthur is the casual dude. Nothing fazes him. He rarely meows --- why would he? Everything is cool. He casually accepts any dry food put in front of him. He casually eats little bits of something or other off the floor. If you could see inside his stomach, I am sure it would look like the inside of a vacuum cleaner bag. Lint, cat hair, a button. Maybe a guitar pick. Or a paper clip and a few Trident wrappers. No worries. Everything is fine in Arthur’s life, so no reason to complain. We adore Arthur.
Then, there is Howard. Howard is kind of………..well how can a mother put it nicely? Howard is a jerk. If cats went to school, Howard would’ve been the cat you beat up on the bus. Howard would be the guy running on his tiptoes with the pocket protector and a briefcase. Howard would be the class tattletale. Howard is the cat who makes up to us and then leaves a “present” for us at the base of the stairs or in front of the door. Howard will get on your chest, start purring and then sneeze on your glasses. He will eat something and then lick you on the mouth. If you are sorting the laundry, he will poop on your clothes. He is repulsive. He stopped grooming himself a year or 2 ago. He has too much going on during the day to be bothered. We adopted Howard when he was a tiny little kitten. He was so cute and so sweet. He was loved and adored. We sent out pictures of him on our Christmas cards. I stayed home with him. I read to him (OK, so I didn’t), but what on earth did we do to deserve Howard?? Despite his “disgustingness,” I am still his mom and I love him. Sorta.

Happy Halloween!

My husband bought "crappy" Halloween candy so we wouldn't eat it. He bought something called, “Swedish Fish.” They are pretty bad. Unfortunately, being “pretty bad,” won’t deter me from eating the bag. They are tasteless gummy fish. I told him he should’ve bought a flat of eggs and set in the driveway.

What's Bugging My Marriage?

We have ants. I got home today a little before my husband and saw them in the kitchen sink. I knew I was in the race of my life to get them cleaned up. I tried to spray them with Windex and clear away the evidence before “HE,” got home. Frankly, I am more grossed out by ant spray than ants. (They don’t scare me. I saw the movie.) I sprayed and cleaned and wiped everything down. I thought I was out of the woods and then I heard him walk in. A minute later I heard, “OH MY GOD! THERE ARE ANTS IN THE KITCHEN!!!!” It was the same tone I would’ve expected to hear, “OH MY GOD! THERE ARE BADGERS IN THE KITCHEN!!!!”
Crap. I knew I wouldn’t get away with it. A minute later I heard the ant spray covering every inch of the countertops, sinks, or anything else that comes in contact with our food.

I am in a mixed marriage. Or should I say a “mixed up,” marriage. Not that I am a delight to be married to -- but I am the optimist in the family. My husband is the eternal pessimist. Not only does he think the glass is half empty – he thinks there is lipstick on the rim and a bug in the bottom. The things that make him interesting also make him exhausting. This is a typical exchange: We were driving down the Del Dios Highway. I told him a story about 30 years ago when the dam was overflowing and how there was a crowd of people watching the dam overflow. A man pulled up and got out of his car and forgot to put it into gear and the car went over the cliff into the canyon below. My husband’s first question: “What kind of car was it?” Huh? This is the type of thing that makes me insane – but never bored.

Ain't Love Grand?

I was sitting in the Jacuzzi this evening with my husband. It was so nice and relaxing and we were watching the sunset. I turned to him and said, "Do you mind that I am away from home so much?"
He looked at me with love in his eyes and said, "Hell, no. I just told Dave to buy his wife a trailer. I told him it's at least 6 weeks of quiet every year."

I am in Kernville, CA with The Sisters On The Fly. This place is gorgeous. I didn’t realize Kernville is a cute little town --- kind of like Julian. Joyce, Debbie and Margo are the sisters who organized this event and they did a fantastic job. The food is wonderful and I have laughed so much.

I have really been roughing it --- yesterday, we watched Dr. Phil and Oprah on a big screen in my campsite. There are some photos to the right of this post.

I wanna hang out with Debra Jackson